Eating crow

I want to start off this blog with an apology.  If I unfriended you from Facebook, I am sorry – it was not personal.  I have already re-friended most of you, and explained to some of you.  I recently had a slight “meltdown” with my depression, not a major one, but enough for me to end up unfriending a bunch of people on Facebook, mostly people from my past.  I have been wrestling with some old issues lately and old wounds got re-opened.  Certain emotional splinters that had buried themselves deeply over the years are starting to push their way out, and it ended with me not handling it well, ultimately cutting myself off from a large portion of my past.

Unfortunately, this is an old pattern of mine, which my wife calls “Turtling” – I pull my neck in and withdraw into my shell, hiding away from the things I don’t want to deal with.  I am learning, with the help of my family, to stand my ground and not retreat, but I am human and I sometimes fail.  This blog has been a helpful tool for me, and I hope to continue posting on a regular basis.  I hope and pray that the people who are my true friends will understand when I fall, and those that can’t handle it, I understand if you need to take a step back – no hard feelings.  I know that I will get through this, it will take time, but I will.  Even though the storm is blowing, and the sea is choppy, I have Jesus in my boat – I know I will get to the shore.

On a lighter note, I found some new podcasts to listen to lately that have been really helping me feed the right wolf.  They are “The BadChristian Podcast” and “The Mental Illness Happy Hour”.  The first one is a group of Christian friends, (mostly members of the rock group Emory) who talk to people from all walks of life and portray a very real, honest portrayal of Christian life by people who recognize that they are not perfect (the name comes from Bad Christian, Good Savior).  The second one is by a very funny comedian called Paul Gilmartin and is about dealing with depression, as well as other mental illnesses that people struggle with.  I am only episode 3 in so far, but I like what I hear.  Both of these podcasts use comedy to address serious issues that we deal with, I recommend both.

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