Today is a bad one… I manage to get myself up and out to work, but I am really struggling to get a grip on my depression today. There are some days where everything comes easy, and some days where everything seems hard. Today is the latter. I didn’t sleep well, had bad dreams, and then woke up early. I have been in a downward spiral ever since 😦 Everything seems a little…bland right now, like there is no point of purpose. I know that this is my brain lying to me, because I know that I have many wonderful things and people in my world.
Luckily, I have a wonderful spouse who understands and doesn’t hate me for it. Besides, I hate myself enough for both of us. This is one of the few times that I have blogged while in the grips of a down day – I usually can’t bring myself to do it. I want this blog to be honest, so I am just typing how I feel and not worrying about editing. Forgive me if I seem down on myself right now, only I feel like a complete piece of shit and hate everything about myself. Okay, that might be overstating a little… I just hate how I feel about myself right now.
I am going to do the only thing I can do… slap on my jester’s cap, do a silly dance and wear the “happy” mask for the sake of my job. If I do it long enough, I might start to fool myself. I’ve done it before, I can do it again.
This too shall pass…